Twilight

I just finished reading Twilight and I really loved the way it was written. I could have imagined reading it as a teenager but then again I was a twat when I was a teenager and probably wouldn't have got it. It's a very easy read a real page turner, I read slowly and had it read in a day and a half. The prose provokes memories of feelings I had long ago and I could really identify with Bella being hopelessly in love with Edward and all the anxieties that go with it to the point where I was beginning to become attracted to Edward, that's how well I thought she wrote. I also really loved the fresh perspective on vampires thinking it might just be a Buffy rip off, it was nothing of the sort. It was just the bit of escapism I needed right now. Thanks Nicole for recommending these books I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.

Back to the real world! My friend was in Hospital recently, she's OK now but I was really worried at the time. After I'd seen her and realised she was good I went out and got extremely plastered all over Camden Town and don't really remember anything apart from an empty wallet and a guilty feeling. I can't fathom why I'm so stupid. I know I am still in my self destructive mode but there are better ways I'm sure. I've damaged my body so much recently I'm surprised I haven't fallen to pieces physically, mentally it's a different story, I have good days but they are generally marred by that omnipresent shadow.

They tell me they love me but I can't ever believe them (I know I've said it before but it's still true). I can't figure out the key to accepting this love, I feel like a cunt to be pretty much throwing it back in their faces. They say it's not my fault and I know I'd be worse without them.

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