Time and sleight of hand

I love going to the coast. From the journey on the train and the walk from the station to the beach it was all good. More recently I get the nostalgic feeling as well. Leaning over the railing watching the hypnotic waves crashing insistingly in to the foundations of the pier. English summers when I knew it would rain at least once before the end of the day. The dark arcades on the promenade where I would spend dads money playing games I wasn't any good at. Rubbish mini golf where I would beg my dad to play both courses and he would let me win each time and I would feel bed for beating him. The Knickerbocker Glory I could never finish but would insist on ordering every time. The not wanting to leave even though I could hardly keep my eyes open. Even the sunburn I would invariably get and yes even when it rained.

Those days I wish would never end but all too soon they're gone. I miss them deeply like the seaside was a friend, someone to rely on who would always be there.

They're not gone I just experience them in a different way. I'll be letting my boys win at mini golf and get sick from too much ice cream and while I carry them to the station and watch them sleep with the rolling of the train I'll remember those worry free days of youth and innocence while we journey back to that grey old city.

:sigh:

A Day In The Life

The news is saying there's been a spate of stabbings, shootings, violence whatever! It's not a spate, it just doesn't get reported all the time that's all. Every so often an incident occurs that is nationally news worthy (Damilola Taylor who was 10 and more recently Kiyan Prince, 15) and afterwards every single case the papers can get their hands on is in the news. What I don't understand is why things are reported in the way they are, I think it's because of a political agenda you know like get rid of the Prime Minister he is not doing a good job or whatever. Violence and youth is nothing new but it is getting worse, when I was a kid we used our fists but I digress, I don't know what should be done about it really or where the fault lies (parents, society, gangsta rap videos, genetic defect???) isn't it our nature to be good? I suppose if I was 'in charge' I would like to see more facilities for kids like sports or music clubs and not just funded by charities with woeful equipment. It will never disappear completely but surely doing something like this would help reduce the number of incidents.

The reason I write is because I have two kids who are going to be growing up with these things happening around them and I hope I never have to be a parent who loses their son to mindless violence I can't begin to imagine what it feels like to lose someone in this manner. Being a parent really changes your perspective on things.

I Had a Dream Last Night

or perhaps to put it properly a NIGHTMARE. It was the most bizarre, fucked up, macabre dream I've ever had, I'm seriously shook. In the dream my father was dead and I was trying to force him in to a holdall and I remember feeling overcome with grief. I was shaking when I woke up, it took a while for me to realise it was a dream.

I started writing this blog the other day but had it on the backburner because I wasn't sure how to write it properly when I had another nightmare.

An old friend who I hadn't seen in about three years died. I don't know how or why she died but I was very distressed, some people (some knew her, some didn't) were in a car with me and we got out and spoke across the top of the car about her. It was also very cold and quiet outside even though we were in the middle of the city. I put my head on the car because I didn't want anyone to see me cry.

I don't know what to make of them and I can't think of anything else since.

Knowing Me, Knowing You

I'm thinking about letting people I know guest post on here saying something about me. I don't know if it's a good idea, not that i'm worried about what they will say but just asking them if they'll do it.

I've got a Purpose have you got a Purpose?

I'm just off out to see these bands The Grants, The Purpose and Cheenah at the borderline part of Alan McGees 'Rehab' club nught. I'll be shouting loudest for The Purpose I have not heard the other bands but McGee normally makes good choices and it's only £4, well I suppose it is only Monday.

Looking forward I should have two more gigs this week Olympus Mons on Friday at 93 feet East and The Fay Wrays on Saturday at The Old Blue Last both free yay, I don't know the support for either gig but when I find out I'll stick it on here somewhere. It should be quite hectic fun

x

Untitled

I wonder if any one gets the references, who knows, I guess only you do.

So I turned myself to face me

I don't know weather I am good or bad! I mean I feel bad when I see bad things and I feel good when I see good things but I do bad things too or avoid doing the right things, for example: A colleague was upset (there was a death in the family) I just froze up while someone else comforted her or the time my mother spilt a hot drink over herself, I froze up again while my sister dealt with it. Does it make me bad, not reacting in the right way? I used to step in when I was supposed to be the shoulder and all. What changed? I could probably guess but will I ever be reliable or 'good' again? More questions, no answers yet.

What'll you do when you get lonely...

The girl I like, the one at work. I don't know if I like her, I think I do but I'm not sure. I thought I knew about my last but as it turned out I didn't not really, that's why I'm not sure this time. It feels like a crush, It feels like the last time. I'm not expecting anything, I don't think it will get further than me asking and her rejecting anyway. Is love an instant classic (Can't Stand Me Now) or a grower (Calm Down Dearest) I used to think it was the former I hope it still could be but am veering towards the latter could be age or rational thought I don't want to lose my faith in love and well you get the picture. I need to calm down and take things as they come and not invest so much in flights of fancy, I need to escape my head and look at things from a different/new perspective. Hmmm

Music Is My Hot Hot Sex

At the moment I like music more than I want to go dating. I don't know if it's because music is easier than dating or I'm scared of getting back in the ring with the opposite sex because you can have music and date at the same time especially if the girl likes the same music you do. All the girls I come into contact with like 'urban' apart from the ones at the gigs obviously. I talk to girls at gigs, not a lot but sometimes but I'm ot trying to get in their pants so there isn't much pressure apart from when they think I am trying to get in their pants then I get embarrased and blush then it's awkward. I think, I think too much!

For now, I am reasonably happy to be lost in music, caught in a trap!

In my wallet with your photobooth smile

Here is me with Lucie from The Fay Wrays

It's Been A While

I think I may be a groupie, I went to Death Disco for the first time on Wednesday. I also managed to get a colleague to come along so I only looked half as sad as I usually do (I was looking for the girl I like to come along but I couldn't find her, a it turned out she was busy, probably would've said no though). Anyway I went to see this band who I've been following, The Fay Wrays, I missed their last gig but it was OK because they said it was shit.

So, we got there far too early which meant we got in for free and therefore had more money for drinks, yay. I went over to say hello to the chaps from the band which impressed my work mate until I introduced him as 'the man who doesn't know who Jimi Hendrix was' (this is true he didn't know who he was) much hilarity ensued except for work mate but he got over it and started enjoying himself.

The band, I thought, were great as usual but they were complaining that the sound quality was a bit shit but from this side of the stage it was fine and the new songs were really good too. Oh yeah I forgot about my new groupie status, I asked for the setlist and I got the drumsticks (from the new drummer) and the guitar pick as well, go me (I don't think I will sleep with any of the band though The singer, she's gay and the rest are boy) then I helped bring their gear to the cars (fuck me amps are heavy) and I got a lift home as well, a good night was had by all involved.

On a lighter note the last bits of paperwork for my divorce are coming through, which in reality doesn't change the status quo of me being sad and alone just now it will be official! I'm thinking of having a reverse stag do (what would you call that a 'gats' do, I know don't quit the day job). I can see it now my gats do me a bottle of Gordons and Johnny Cash's Hurt on the speakers, or maybe I'll go were I'm happiest, to the gigs where I can be myself.

gah

fucking writer's block

Mr Brightside

It's all getting a bit deep methinks. I'll have to find a few light hearted things to put down here to keep it on a fairly even kilter.

Sabotage

Relationships are great aren't they. Relationships with your family ,your friends, your colleagues even. They are supposed to be good things, right. They say we need them to get on in life. Mine, well mine I seem to sabotage, subconsciously I suppose. I'll blurt out something inappropriate or stick my foot in it somehow. I don't know why I do it, but I do. I'd rather be on my own most of the time anyway, otherwise I feel the need to prove myself and I shouldn't be made to feel that way. I think I need to find myself a new set of friends but when I meet new people I feel they think I'm weird or something by the way I act or speak. Maybe I'm being paranoid I don't really know. It's a learning curve this life thing and at 28 I've still a long way to go.

Sick 2 Def

I'm feel rotten, I didn't go out tonight. I was really looking forward to seeing live music again it's been a while but there's always next time. That's another thing, I can't keep up with new music there's just too many good bands to go and see. I don't like really big venues so I have to catch bands while they're still small enough to play small venues, you know when you can actually meet the bands and be up close and personal with them on stage and you just inches away or even on the stage with them. I feel like I might be missing out on something special if I don't go to every single gig ever but that's obviously impossible so I'll just see who I can and try not to worry about the rest.

Gonna go to a disco in the middle of town

I'm supposed to be going out tonight to see some great bands namely (in order of appearance) The Mighty Roars, The Sessions and The Fay Wrays, can you tell I like bands that begin with 'The'.

The Mighty Roars and The Sessions are releasing singles and The Fay Wrays are about to record their debut album after finalising their line up, yay.

I've seen The Fay Wrays live loads of times and they just keep getting better, I haven't seen the new line up yet this will be their UK debut show and with new material I can't wait. It might have to be a sober gig though because I am broke as a joke with no punchline.

I normally go on my own to see bands because I don't know anyone who isn't perfectly content sitting in the local boozer doing the same thing they always do (boring bastards).

Anyway if you're interested it's at Hoxtonlab 39a Hoxton Sq London N1 6NN

I just don't know what to do with myself

I daydream a lot and I mean a lot. Generally I am trying to save someone, different people most of the time, strangers. I don't know why I'm playing the hero in these dreams, my imagination runs wild. I thought I left these flights of fancy behind in my formative years but no, here they are in all their bizarre glory.

:sighs:

The next round is on me

I just read this on the bbc website which I found quite amusing. It says Ireland has the highest rates of binge-drinking in the EU at 34% but what I found funny was this: binge drinking is defined as having five or more alcoholic drinks in one sitting. I didn't realise it was 5 or more that's fantastic it also means that every time I go for a drink I binge, yay!

So have a good St Patrick's Day this weekend and don't forget this is too many

Party over the cracks

I like these bands, can't explain why.

Myspace links:

The Fay Wrays
The Purpose
The Sessions
Olympus Mons
and a couple of awesome musicians I know
Wasi
James Ragbone

Please check 'em out and let me know what you think

Horrorshow

I have just been reading 'A Clockwork Orange' it's a real horrorshow book my droogies, but the veshch is some of the slang used in the book is seeping into my rassoodock. It's bezoomny I tell thou but I wouldn't use them talking to people, no one would get it. I don't normally use slang or words made up by other others, that's not strictly true because some words made up by people like Shakespeare &c have become part of the language we use today, but you know what I mean.

So I'll shazat good-nochy to all

P.S. Is this where The Libertines got the name of the song from?

P.P.S. I wonder why their were two streets in the book named after another author i.e. Kingsley Amis, hmmm I'll have to look in to that

The good old days

My eldest really loves The Libertines Up The Bracket & I Get Along EP. It makes me so happy that he loves them but i can't help thinking will he rebel and start listening to something I don't like when he's older. But who am I to force him to like what I like??? My kids arefree to go threw my collection whenever they are here and I hope the love affair with the libertines lasts. When I played them my Babyshambles and Dirty Pretty Things 7"s They both prefered Pete's outfit, I'm not sure what that means though!!! I also noticed he enjoyed Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance and All Along the Watchtower by The Jimi Hendrix Experience.

Maxïmo Park: The Hair or The Hat

The kids are alright

I had the kids over yesterday. Sometimes they are very good but a lot of the time they are naughty. It's difficult to get a good relationship going with them because I only see them every other saturday. When they leave their mother they moan about not wanting to leave but when I bring them back the don't want to leave me. They're at an age onw where they can remember and say things their parents say and she has been saying some nasty stuff about me and they say it too and it hurts a lot, I would never dream of badmouthing her to, or in front of the kids because it will make them think about these things. I love my kids so much and I can't bear them saying things like this or feeling like that, it's just horrible. Sorry for the rambling incoherence of this blog but there is so much more to say and I can't figure out how to put it down. This feels like a bit of therapy getting it on here.

Peter & Carlos

This pic has to be in as many places as possible

Blogging = Pringles

Once you pop, you can't stop!

Now I just have to decide which flavour!

Your Face Looks All Wrong

I look wrong!

Let's face it in todays 'society' I am unacceptable, fair enough. That's their problem not mine, fuck 'em, which brings me to the point of the blog.

When I go to Indie discos or gigs everyone is showing the love (I mean we're all there for the same reason, right), it's all about the music and dancing your socks off to amazing songs and not caring if you look silly or not, great.

When I were a young'un I frequented the old R'n'B/Garage/Funky House type affairs and I always felt on edge (if you bump into the wrong person there will follow claret I saw it many times)which leads to lesser enjoyment but that is where my friends want to go so I followed.

Now I ususally attend alone which sounds a bit crap but you normally get talking to people (a difficult task if you knew how shy I am) and are made feel welcome, cool.

You may think I am being niave you're probably right. There are indie clubs with trouble and probably vice versa for the others but in my experience Indie rules the rest, well, you can have em. I'm sticking with the skinny jeans and white converse brigade

x

Music is good

I just finished putting a list of all my tunes in a blog check em out here

I hate my job

1. It's the epitome of monotony.
2. Some of the staff, good god how thick are you.
3. The clients, again good god how thick can you be.
4. We are the first port of call when something goes missing, we never have it but still they come. grr
5. The Radio, Fuckadoodledoo, how many times can you listen to MOR bullshit all day everyday that's how many. AHHH
6. Them upstairs introducing new wastes of time to become more efficient and effective fuck off.
7. 10 and a half hours a day give it a rest.
8. I'll put on a CD and the look of utter contempt on the faces of the nameless, disappointing but alas expected.

Who reads this shit?

This blogging lark is quite fun, isn't it.

When I were a lad keeping a diary was for girls and god help anybody who dared to read it. How far we have come, everyone and their dog has a "blog" which near enough everyone and their cat can read if they so wish. Is there something exciting about laying your secrets bare for anyone to read, we have become a race of exhibitionists and voyeurs.

I think it's great! Yay for blogs and the freedom of expression!!!

Are You Being Served

Rest In Peace

Look I play

not very well though

Me

I don't care about you but I care what you think.

I'm shallow, selfish and greedy.

If you talk to me my mind will drift.

I don't understand why you don't like what I like.

I'm a hypocrite.

I don't like the way I look.

I have double standards.

I'm shy.

I hate myself.

I'm Lazy.

I lie to myself.

I lie to you.

I'm an attention seeker.

I can't deal with more than two people at the same time.

An open letter to...

I am not an acrobat, I cannot perform these tricks for you!

Sooo

It's 5:30am I just got back from the pub after spending an inordinate amount of time with people I neither know nor care for (bar the exceptional ones(obviously)).

What started off innocuously enough turned into a blamefest with me being the one to blame, go me!

Here's the thing, I made a joke but it went straight over every one's head. It was offensive and rude, if you knew me you would know I wouldn't mean it.

Anyway I will not apologise for my actions because I am not sorry, I will, however say sorry to my sister who was offended by my actions not because they were wrong but because she is my sister. My apology is sincere, even though it may not seem that way. I will also apologise to Faye because she was offended.

If I had to do it all again I wouldn't change anything, I spent 9 years of my adult life compromising and you can fuck off if you think I'm doing that again! That is unless I meet a hot girl who thinks like me. (lol in case you thought I was serious)!

In the words of Maxïmo Park: Well that's enough, I've had it up to here.

Fuck you very much and good morning

Mickx

locked

Everything I want to write is in my head locked away by my inability to grasp the words in the right order to form coherent sentences.

I just need to find the key.

I'm insane

Soooo

I don't know why but I keep thinking about this dream (it was really really vivid like cold and harsh) I had.

I dreamt I murdered two people, twins, they were homeless late middle age, I didn't recognise their faces, we were in a shed ,it was totally bizarre. I used a pistol and shot the 1st in the head at point blank range and sprayed the 2nd with numerous bullets when I left them it was snowing outside I could feel the cold.

Later on I dreamt I was in a hotel room with a washed up rock singer looked a bit like Withnail he was throwing a strop and we fled the hotel travelling in a camper van through a small satellite type town to a dingy flat.

I woke up sweating and gasping for breath.

I don't normally remember my dreams so I thought I'd blog it

Test

Testing, testing, one one one, me me me!

Bold

Italic

Bold italic

cool