Scorched is the new look

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6597753.stm

A nation of chavs mourn.

Androgyny

Androgyny appeals to me

like free fields see no boundaries

Not Everyone Will Survive

The news is rarely good, generally irrelevant to me and makes me feel hopeless/depressed. It's the last one that gets me, I can't do anything about things that happen. But I still watch, have I got a hunger for knowledge or just looking for something to talk about at work tomorrow, if someone dies what difference does it make that I know, is it anymore relevant when it happens locally (obviously if they're looking for someone and it's local you might recognise them so that may be important but otherwise), do I really need to be well informed? Surely most things I need to know are common sense anyway, but still I watch.

Email to blogger test 2

Is it cruel or kind no to speak my mind and to lie to you rather than hurt you?

Email to blogger test

If you've lost your faith in love and music
Oh the end won't be long

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Indie Cindy or The Ineptitude of a Narrator

I saw a girl today, she was wearing a white dress and red cardi. I wanted to compliment her on her shoes which were red with white polka dots, I thought they were really nice. I didn't. I don't know why. She got on the bus at Whitehall, her oyster didn't work so the driver waited for her to buy a ticket from the machine, she dropped her money on the floor, I was listening to Maxïmo Park's Russian Literature and Karaoke Plays while this was going on, she got on and stood opposite for a minute then went upstairs never to be seen again.

Cool for cats

If you would like to walk all over me feel free, everybody else does. I feel monumentally fucked over and it literally makes me feel sick. I just don't care anymore so here's your invitation to do the same just take it all, I don't want it.

I've just realised...I've got nothing to say

I got food poisoning last night, I felt fucked. But here I am at work, an hour and a half early I might add. I'm really not looking forward to working today.

I had the kids on Saturday they were reasonably well behaved which makes the day a whole lot easier. We went to the park for a while and Connor's nose bled when he banged his nose on the floor and Cole was quite content going up the slide the wrong way. They still fight with eachother a lot but I suppose I an expect that until they're adults and even then I'd imagine they would still fight. On the way back to their mothers Cole fell asleep and I gave Connor my iPod to listen to the Beatles (1962-1966 Red) and he was really enjoying it. I felt quite relaxed, usually I feel stressed by their behaviour but today was OK. When I don't have them I miss them but I can't help thinking they don't really need me anymore, like we're going through the motions. Sometimes I just feel like a babysitter.

I got a new iPod the other day my old one just died. I can't believe I went so long without one. It's great because now I can ignore people on the bus. Oh, and I just figured out how to scrobble iPod plays which is great because I like stats (I'm a bit sad can you tell).

I don't plan on going to any gigs in the near future so probably no late night tales of being drunk or lost or both. But I'll probably just decide to go out 5 minutes before I find out about a gig, I can be impulsive like that so you never know. They say the unplanned nights are the best. Although I would be quite content to stay at home and listen to music all day and have no contact with the outside world I can be reclusive like that.

Anyway I haven't eaten in a day and I can't tell if I'm hungry or not and a dismal day of mind crushing boredom awaits (go work).

Edit: I just realised this is the 50th blog I've published, I feel quite proud. I don't know if I can get to 60 let alone 100 but enjoy this and plan to continue but I still have problems getting the words out.

Things I would like to do...(a work in progress)

...preferably before I'm 30 (487 days as of today)

The Circle Line Pub Crawl (27 stops 28 drinks!!!) which I have scheduled for my birthday in August.

Visit 5 continents. 3 down (America, Africa, Europe) 2 to go (Asia, Australia). I should be going to Thailand either this year or next.

Be published (in print) even if it's just a letter.

Be involved in the music business.

Go to 7 gigs in 7 days (tried this last year and gave up after 3 nights, I was exhausted and perpetually drunk).

Art Bitch

I didn't 'get' art growing up and well into my teenage years. I thought what's the point it doesn't 'do' anything. I can't remember when I realised just how important it is to others and has become for me. I'm sure realising music was an art form helped greatly. Now I like to see, hear and read beautiful things, poetry has crept in to my life as well which was a pleasant surprise although I have trouble with the flow of some poems. If I'm honest, I don't know the first thing about art except the fact that I like it, which is the point for me anyway. I can't tell you what I like because I don't know what they are called generally but I think I should make an effort that way I can share with others the things I like.

Those who can't do,..

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/6546967.stm

"School chief executive Eamonn Farrar said the extra study sessions were made compulsory five years ago.
He said: "If we were to give the children the choice of attending the extra study sessions, what do you think the response would be? They wouldn't attend. "

Fucking bureaucratic teachers! Can't they remember what it's like to be young, school isn't just about education there's expanding your horizons with extra curricular activities, social growth and most importantly choice. Teachers should guide or advise rather than force things upon their students. How can you take away what should be a highlight of this girls teenage years.

Cunts.

P.s. I know people who want to be teachers and I hope they can be part of a small percentage who really want to be there for the kids rather than targets.

Her heart still dictates, and her hand obeys.

I just watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind which I really enjoyed and it got me thinking about 'free spirits' which I thought Winslet's character was to a certain extent anyway.

I've met a few people like this, they are normally female for some reason., the thing is they scare me a bit I'm not sure why maybe it's the reckless abandon in which they live their lives. I know for sure I'm jealous, I just wish I could take the risks they do.

People say it's just a way to hide your insecurities (isn't that a better way to hide than actually hiding like I do) but surely there must be some who are naturally care free. I wish they didn't scare me because I wish to be more like them.

Q. How to lose friends & alienate people

A. Not sure but I am really good at it.

Albion

Romance and nostalgia the staples of my albion dream, I'm crying out for days gone by with no fear or cares of what will be.

Poor old blighty I lost you before I really found you but I know you're still there, forgotten in the corner of a dusty old boozer where flatcapped heroes tell your stories, their memories clear through the woodbine haze.

They're few and far between now, lost to time or greed or kicks, who will take on the mantle, the laureate for the next generation before you're lost forever?

Blog the 1st (at work)

Hey I just figured out how to blog at work, damn rubbish restrictive internet we have here.

Anyway work is shit, I'm doing 08:30-19:00 today and I'm completely knackered. There's not enough staff as usual and I've forgotten how to spell. I think I have the dullest job in the history of employment, if it weren't busy I'd be tearing my hair out. It's no wonder I sit here daydreaming all the time I'm a bit worried for my sanity need. something. interesting.

I don't think I will go to the gig on Thursday, I'm a bit skint and I have the kids the next day anyway so I'll need to be fresh for them. Oh and it's Easter this weekend but I have to work on Saturday which will be fun, can you tell that was sarcasm, I still don't know if I'm expressing myself properly on here.

Sorry I'm rambling again, I do have things to say but they're not coming out coherently. I'm just very tired and I'd rather do this because it takes my mind off work.

all apologies

It's recently been brought to my attention that I completely suck at life, a social incompetent if you will. I just find it really difficult to convey what I want to say or to make myself heard over the din of everyone else getting on with it, I don't know what's important, I've no goals long term or otherwise, clearly not a good enough dad, (see below), I spend far too much time alone, I row with my family. I could go on but it all sounds... a bit familiar?

The Band/Fan Dynamic

When I go to see a band they're usually unsigned and you get to meet them afterwards which is great but sometimes I'll go to see a band a lot and build up a bit of a rapport with them, you know enough to buy each other a drink and chat for a bit before or after their set and once an invite to an afterparty (yay). Sometimes though I feel like they might think I'm a 'hanger-on' as it were but all I really want is to hear good music, I don't really have anything else to offer except my appreciation of the music anyway. I feel very lucky to have been to the gigs and to have met some of the people through getting to know bands ie: Carl Barat and Roger Sargent (the guy who took the Picture on the cover of the eponymous Libertines album amongst other things) that's just not the point for me but sometimes I get looks from other people there who think that's what I am (sodding image conscious scene).

I'm on a journey (a magical mystery tour if you will) at the moment and I'm just going to see where it takes me by being more positive and having fun.

Fathers and sons

I had the kids on Friday. It was Cole's 3rd birthday a few days earlier so we were going to have a some treats and loads of fun but Connor was playing up, something he's been doing a lot lately. I don't know if he gets it from home or school, I don't really get enough time with them to have much of an impact on their lives. When I was taking them home Connor told me he had a real Dad (to say it was a bit of a blow would be a massive understatement) and he was saying he wants to hit me and scratch me then he ran to the other end of the bus because he didn't want to sit with me. I may be being paranoid when I say this but sometimes it sounds as if they're being coached by the way they say certain things.

It feels like they don't really need me anymore and I can't imagine it will be long before they say to their mother that they don't want to come down anymore. I'd love to see them more but it feels like it's too late, I won't give up and I'll do everything I can but it's not my choice at the end of the day. I don't know what I would do without my boys it doesn't really bear thinking about.

Do you know me? part 2

Your so silly that blog makes you sound like such a loser!!!! You should of wrote that other people there were by themselves too!!!! makes you sound like your a proper billy no mates! U should just lie thats what most people do on them stupid things to make themselves sound more popular and "cool" so to speak!

Dead cats and missing phones

I went to see The Fay Wrays again on Saturday. I had a rather nice evening, it felt like a warm night in Paris what with all the french people in the room. There were two bands over from France called Neimo and Coco and another English band called Intervurt. It was like France Versus England, the English bands had been over to Paris earlier in the year so this was the second leg. I was there on my own as usual but I saw lots of people who knew me, I wasn't always too sure who they were though (that's myspace for you). I preceded to get copious amounts of Staropramen down my neck before the end of the night and later on my friend from work came along with his girlfriend which was a pleasant surprise so I looked like less of a loser. After the bands finished playing I was going to leave but the DJ who was Taz from The Sessions played a Donna Summer track and I had to go over and give him props as it were which meant I left with him and the band to find somewhere else to drink. So we're on Old Street trying to get a taxi when we misplaced the band there's just me Taz and a girl (I'll assume it was his girlfriend) who suggested we go to The Dolphin, at this point I was a few stops past drunk and game for anything or I didn't care, I'm not sure which. We got out of the taxi outside the venue but we needed some cash so we went to the cashpoint where I met a very nice Irish girl to whom I was probably talking a hell of a lot of nonsense, again who knows. This is where I lost the remaining members of the party so I headed in to the bar but they weren't there. I thought sod it I'm going home and went to wait for a bus which had it's very own resident nutter who seemed very pleased to be waiting for a bus that's crack for you though. Anyway got on the bus fell asleep until the last stop which luckily enough was my stop.

The resulting hangover was conspicuous by it's absence which was a relief I can tell you but as usual the guilt was still there made worse by the lack of suffering, you see whenever I go out and have a good time I always feel the guilt the next day. Someone told me it may be because I think I don't deserve to have a good time but I always worry I have offended someone or made a fool out of myself, I suppose they're right. I'm going to go out as much as i can despite the feeling bad the next day because I missed out a lot in my late teens and early twenties so I'm just making up for lost time, so here's to next time cheers.

Edit: I don't half ramble, hey.

Do you know me? part 1

I asked a bunch of people to write a bit about me and so far this is the first response hopefully of many they're going up unedited, so here goes.

hallo

write about you hmmm i will write what i see... mike i like that you and glen are so comfortable with each other like bearhugging at gigs thats soooo sweet tee hee and that you always come out with these indiewhipp ,,,,names of bands that i dont know the name of, havent seen you in a while,,but thats alright chiiild,,, uhhhh!

i associate you with the proud gallerys suit jackets and you always have a playful ,, mischievious look about you and please get your bass out this summer im gunna take you to a park and get you to jamm jamm jamm,,