Disco/Inferno

Just sitting here listening to the chilled out sounds of Marlena Shaw (California Soul is sublime)wondering when sleep will take me. The tiredness is taking the form of pressure in my temples. I should be feeling refreshed after a week off work but it's like every time I wake up I panic thinking I'll be late, I should leave all thoughts of that wretched place behind as soon as I walk out the door but it just seems to consume, control, condense my personal time and I'm back there feeling awful.

I've been trying to get lost in music but I'll hear a certain note which reminds of something at work and it all comes undone, grr. I suppose I'll have to train myself to appreciate and make the most of my free time. I did go to one gig and have been for a couple of walks and I've got a few new 12s and 7s which I'm enjoying at the mo (the pressure's easing now).

When I was at the gig I stood by the bar the entire time, thinking about all that's in the bubble at the bottom of the bottle as it were. As I looked at each bottle I remembered "the good ol' days" which is ironic because they are exactly why I don't remember much of them. Either way the feeling of nostalgia was overwhelming but I stuck with coke as the beautiful sounds washed over me bring me back to the present where I realised that those days were indeed good and also very old as it's been so long since I had an experience worthy of the nostalgia, I also realised that it's unlikely to ever happen again anyway.

I was thinking of the days we used to go to each others houses and stay up til 6 listening to bittersweet sixties sounds and we'd either make our way home bleary eyes shy of the bright grey dawn sky or otherwise fall asleep on floors or sofas and at least once in the loo. Sometimes there were nearly twenty of us and someone would have to go and find somewhere to get more booze at 3 in the morning which was doubly hard given the age of us, we managed though, if they're willing to sell out of hours they might aswell sell to underage. There was a certain warmth you felt, like a belonging which I suppose it was however naive it feels now you don't forget how good it felt at the time.

What happened? We done gone gotten ourselves responsibilities damn you! So the late nights are few and far between and you realise, you realise or maybe it's just your body telling you it can't last forever (damned body's got a mind of it's own with it's pesky survival instincts).

Now I am going to listen to Barbarella OST and try not to think about the circle Dante forgot.