So I had a drink last night. I knew it would happen soon and to be honest it weren't that bad. The good points were free flowing conversation and a slight buzz. The bad points were the guilt, the dehydration and headache in the middle of the night. I will drink occasionally hopefully not enough to feel the guilt because that's the worst part for me. Even though there's nothing to feel guilty about.
I was sober for a little over 3 months and if I want to do it again I know I can.
I think I should attempt giving up soft drinks because they do more damage to me than the booze.
I have an awful headache right now, it's been coming and going for about a week but I'm trying not to take too many tablets.
Now I'm going to go back to wondering what to wonder about.
Monday, 5 May 2008
Sunday, 4 May 2008
B is for Brilliant
I got the boys yesterday and took them to the Barbican, to the Family Film Club where they got to make Bee hats in honour of the film which was Bee Movie.There were roughly 20 other kids there and they all got up on stage to show off what they made, I thought my boys would be too shy to get up but they did. The film itself I thought was fantastic and the kids enjoyed it, it had the usual few jokes for the grown ups as well, Chris Rock was fantastic as a mosquito.
After the film we went to sit by the pond outside the Centre and admired the building from this new perspective (I'd only ever seen it from outside and underneath). We headed back to the tube passing by Mendelssohn's Tree on which someone drew a smiley face and some more graffiti down the steps over the footbridge that read "Muslims are so gay" and wondered whether the same person was responsible for both acts.
So, we got the tube to Bank to get the DLR to Island Gardens but the DLR was down and we ended up going to North Woolwich on the Jubilee instead to wonder around the O2 for a bit. We took a Clipper back to Embankment and got home suitably knackered and lazed watching Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka before taking the boys back.
I made my way back home on the Chingford to Liverpool Street and opened Sylvia Plath's The Colossus, not being able to concentrate on the book I thought about a text I got earlier and decided to act on it, what I didn't realise was that the text was sent 4 days ago and obviously I missed out on the event, one good thing came of it though...
...first there was the bar with no name then there was Betsey Trotwood and more recently the the Prince Arthur. Now there is a new favourite bar and it's the Three Blind Mice, Ravey Street. It's tiny (about the size of my front room), low ceiling (7ft max), 60 different bottles of spirits behind the bar (I know, I counted every single one) and they don't sell after shocks or even red bull, they sell things like Hendricks Gin and Wray & Nephew. The music is fantastic, chilled out trip hop, kitschy french electronica and jazzy Brazilian 60's while I was there. The staff/owners (it seemed as if they cared a lot about the place so am assuming they have more invested in the place than a hired hand) were lovely and even one even asked me about the book I was reading, I love it when people take an interest, not for the attention, it's just nice to share and communicate.
Not a bad start to my week off I suppose.
After the film we went to sit by the pond outside the Centre and admired the building from this new perspective (I'd only ever seen it from outside and underneath). We headed back to the tube passing by Mendelssohn's Tree on which someone drew a smiley face and some more graffiti down the steps over the footbridge that read "Muslims are so gay" and wondered whether the same person was responsible for both acts.
So, we got the tube to Bank to get the DLR to Island Gardens but the DLR was down and we ended up going to North Woolwich on the Jubilee instead to wonder around the O2 for a bit. We took a Clipper back to Embankment and got home suitably knackered and lazed watching Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka before taking the boys back.
I made my way back home on the Chingford to Liverpool Street and opened Sylvia Plath's The Colossus, not being able to concentrate on the book I thought about a text I got earlier and decided to act on it, what I didn't realise was that the text was sent 4 days ago and obviously I missed out on the event, one good thing came of it though...
...first there was the bar with no name then there was Betsey Trotwood and more recently the the Prince Arthur. Now there is a new favourite bar and it's the Three Blind Mice, Ravey Street. It's tiny (about the size of my front room), low ceiling (7ft max), 60 different bottles of spirits behind the bar (I know, I counted every single one) and they don't sell after shocks or even red bull, they sell things like Hendricks Gin and Wray & Nephew. The music is fantastic, chilled out trip hop, kitschy french electronica and jazzy Brazilian 60's while I was there. The staff/owners (it seemed as if they cared a lot about the place so am assuming they have more invested in the place than a hired hand) were lovely and even one even asked me about the book I was reading, I love it when people take an interest, not for the attention, it's just nice to share and communicate.
Not a bad start to my week off I suppose.
Friday, 2 May 2008
Seriously Mick you fucker
So I've been reading Bukowski and I really like his style I'm not sure how I'd go about recreating it but I would like to, I think it would suit what I want to say.
I have ideas flitting through my mind before I can write them down, very frustrating. Damn my memory and lack of concentration.
I should be getting my tattoo within the next month or so.
Played a lot of Chaz n Dave at work today which lightened the mood somewhat. I also put a quote on the board which my friend wrote for me in a birthday card in latin which basically means "don't let the bastards grind you down". I took great joy in telling people what it meant and right under the noses of the oppressors, yay. I still don't have the nuts to write "Arbeit Macht Frei" though, bearing in mind the company's country of origin, maybe on me last day or summat.
I have a week off next week and I really need to do summat worthwhile instead of waiting it like I usually do. I'm thinking galleries, museums, gigs, walks and definitely some writing. Oh and get me hair cut it's down past me shoulders now.
Now it's time to go be the bold adventurer and hold up Excalibur.
I have ideas flitting through my mind before I can write them down, very frustrating. Damn my memory and lack of concentration.
I should be getting my tattoo within the next month or so.
Played a lot of Chaz n Dave at work today which lightened the mood somewhat. I also put a quote on the board which my friend wrote for me in a birthday card in latin which basically means "don't let the bastards grind you down". I took great joy in telling people what it meant and right under the noses of the oppressors, yay. I still don't have the nuts to write "Arbeit Macht Frei" though, bearing in mind the company's country of origin, maybe on me last day or summat.
I have a week off next week and I really need to do summat worthwhile instead of waiting it like I usually do. I'm thinking galleries, museums, gigs, walks and definitely some writing. Oh and get me hair cut it's down past me shoulders now.
Now it's time to go be the bold adventurer and hold up Excalibur.
Thursday, 1 May 2008
Boozer's Lament freestyle (can't write for toffees)
I don't know why
I gave up booze
or maybe I do
but I won't admit it to myself,
it's better to get by
without asking yourself
too many questions
for fear of an answer
I don't really want to hear.
three months go by
slowly
every bar and pub
an open invite to oblivion
I'm all too willing to take
but what stops me
I made no promises
I told few people
who, no doubt,
are sick and tired
of my bitching and whining
sole
source
solace
sauce
sorry
soul
so long
I gave up booze
or maybe I do
but I won't admit it to myself,
it's better to get by
without asking yourself
too many questions
for fear of an answer
I don't really want to hear.
three months go by
slowly
every bar and pub
an open invite to oblivion
I'm all too willing to take
but what stops me
I made no promises
I told few people
who, no doubt,
are sick and tired
of my bitching and whining
sole
source
solace
sauce
sorry
soul
so long
Saturday, 26 April 2008
Monday, 21 April 2008
A (not very) Comical Psycho-anatomical Encounter
Liver: Hey, Mick.
Me: Long time, no speak.
Liver: I feel great since you gave up the drink.
Me I thought you might.
Psyche: You need a drink!
Me: Who said that?
Psyche: It is I, Psyche, your arch nemesis!
Liver: You leave us alone.
Me: (To Liver) Let me handle this. (To Psyche) Give it a rest would you.
Psyche: You'll never beat me.
Me: Look, I've been out to loads of pubs and clubs and haven't had a drop.
Psyche: Yes but you haven't been out with your drinking pals.
Me: So.
Psyche: You know you'll drink when you see them.
Me: Maybe... but I don't have to see them.
Liver: You tell him Mick.
Psyche: Who does that leave you with, huh?
Me: Friends... Friends who won't pressure me like you do.
Psyche: I'll beat you, one way or another Ill beat you (disappears laughing maniacally)
Liver: Oh Mick, my hero!
Me: Hush now Liver, know this. the battle is won but the war will rage eternally.
Liver: (meekly) I'm scared.
Me: Sissy
Liver: Hey
Both: hahahaha
Me: Hey, wanna go eat a bunch of paracetamol.
Liver: MICHAEL.
Both: hahahaha
Fin
Me: Long time, no speak.
Liver: I feel great since you gave up the drink.
Me I thought you might.
Psyche: You need a drink!
Me: Who said that?
Psyche: It is I, Psyche, your arch nemesis!
Liver: You leave us alone.
Me: (To Liver) Let me handle this. (To Psyche) Give it a rest would you.
Psyche: You'll never beat me.
Me: Look, I've been out to loads of pubs and clubs and haven't had a drop.
Psyche: Yes but you haven't been out with your drinking pals.
Me: So.
Psyche: You know you'll drink when you see them.
Me: Maybe... but I don't have to see them.
Liver: You tell him Mick.
Psyche: Who does that leave you with, huh?
Me: Friends... Friends who won't pressure me like you do.
Psyche: I'll beat you, one way or another Ill beat you (disappears laughing maniacally)
Liver: Oh Mick, my hero!
Me: Hush now Liver, know this. the battle is won but the war will rage eternally.
Liver: (meekly) I'm scared.
Me: Sissy
Liver: Hey
Both: hahahaha
Me: Hey, wanna go eat a bunch of paracetamol.
Liver: MICHAEL.
Both: hahahaha
Fin
Thursday, 17 April 2008
I feel sad now, (what should I call this?)
You complete cunt, she said,
I looked at her non plussed.
Get out of the damn bed,
seethingly as she fussed
Over the bairn who cried
and pierced my ravaged skull.
I love you babe, I lied
this marriage void and null.
You bastard, I hate you,
She saw through my deceit.
She held my child like glue
away from this deadbeat
my baby calls daddy.
I'm sorry, I attempt
I've handled this badly
Go, she says, with contempt.
Go, please get dressed just leave
Let me kiss my baby
She does with tears of grief
whispering I'll see you,
maybe.
I looked at her non plussed.
Get out of the damn bed,
seethingly as she fussed
Over the bairn who cried
and pierced my ravaged skull.
I love you babe, I lied
this marriage void and null.
You bastard, I hate you,
She saw through my deceit.
She held my child like glue
away from this deadbeat
my baby calls daddy.
I'm sorry, I attempt
I've handled this badly
Go, she says, with contempt.
Go, please get dressed just leave
Let me kiss my baby
She does with tears of grief
whispering I'll see you,
maybe.
Wednesday, 16 April 2008
So Phil Daniels
got my sister pregnant.
Well I just had to go round there, didn't I.
To his house which happened to be on top of a coach.
Outside the Prince of Wales.
I was cross.
I climbed the scaffold and jumped on to his abode which frightened his wife.
Who was also pregnant.
"You're not the father" I exclaimed.
Something was wrong with this picture.
Never mind.
Phil and I jumped onto a Telephone box.
The one outside O'Neill's.
Battle!
No.
-
I have to run down Drury Lane to Dryden Street
Old Bill in formation, truncheons in hand.
"Move you SUCKAAAAAAAAH" one shouts at me.
I deliberately got in his way you see.
-
I must get my son to school.
In my arms like I was Chow Yun Fat in Hard Boiled.
Arne Street is a warzone.
Through the Alley back on to Drury Lane.
The School's not where it's supposed to be.
An oasis of calm.
My friend you look different.
Like your troubles have vanished.
She smiled.
Noticing my child she ushers us to sanctuary.
-
Alone now.
I made my way up Neal Street in the cold light of dawn.
I saw my sister outside the entrance to the flats.
Other people were there.
It was over
-
This is when I woke up, my arm was frozen numb and I couldn't lift my head. I don't know why I remembered all of this, usually it goes after a few minutes awake. I've no idea what any of it means, if anything at all.
I'm seeing a lass called George Pringle tonight at the Luminaire She's quite cool check her out if you want.
Well I just had to go round there, didn't I.
To his house which happened to be on top of a coach.
Outside the Prince of Wales.
I was cross.
I climbed the scaffold and jumped on to his abode which frightened his wife.
Who was also pregnant.
"You're not the father" I exclaimed.
Something was wrong with this picture.
Never mind.
Phil and I jumped onto a Telephone box.
The one outside O'Neill's.
Battle!
No.
-
I have to run down Drury Lane to Dryden Street
Old Bill in formation, truncheons in hand.
"Move you SUCKAAAAAAAAH" one shouts at me.
I deliberately got in his way you see.
-
I must get my son to school.
In my arms like I was Chow Yun Fat in Hard Boiled.
Arne Street is a warzone.
Through the Alley back on to Drury Lane.
The School's not where it's supposed to be.
An oasis of calm.
My friend you look different.
Like your troubles have vanished.
She smiled.
Noticing my child she ushers us to sanctuary.
-
Alone now.
I made my way up Neal Street in the cold light of dawn.
I saw my sister outside the entrance to the flats.
Other people were there.
It was over
-
This is when I woke up, my arm was frozen numb and I couldn't lift my head. I don't know why I remembered all of this, usually it goes after a few minutes awake. I've no idea what any of it means, if anything at all.
I'm seeing a lass called George Pringle tonight at the Luminaire She's quite cool check her out if you want.
Saturday, 12 April 2008
I'm winning, just
Re my last post, I'm feeling a little better since. I've had a rest, thought of nothing in particular and feel ready for... ...something.
Caught up with a friend I hadn't seen in a long while, we had a few drinks at the Somerstown Coffeehouse and a short stroll to Holborn. It was good to see people that actually exist as opposed to fictional characters of my own invention or otherwise (work doesn't count because I've decided it's just a cruel joke my psyche is playing on me).
Today I'm supposed to be going to a gig but I think I'll give it a miss and read instead. At the moment I'm getting lost in the Bookholmian Catacombs, I had to escape Prozac Nation due to too much empathy for Elizabeth, although I will return sometime soon.
I should also get out of the house and stretch my legs and taste that fresh London air we're so proud of. I'll head towards the city which is dead on the weekend and therefore devoid of twats in suits.
I've also been busy rekindling friendships that were in danger of dying out.
My sleeping patterns seem to be much better as well although I had a rather disturbing dream about a recent acquaintance the other night, I wonder what that was all about.
I am currently suffering a lot from TOT with peoples names mainly but other words as well like danger a couple of sentences back which took over a minute to think of.
I other news I've still not taken a drink, it's been nearly two and a half months now and to be honest I'm not feeling a difference healthwise even the worry of making a fool out of myself hasn't left me even though it's probably imaginary. I have always said I would go back to drinking but obviously not to excess. I have a real challenge coming up at a gig I've been invited to by the chaps I used to drink with, I'm sure I'll cope though. My sister will be there and I can lean on her for moral support.
TTFN
Tuesday, 1 April 2008
Oh me, oh my!
I feel really shitty right now! I'm at work on my lunch break thinking about planing my own funeral as it were. On the verge of tears, I feel like I can't face anybody ever again. I feel like screaming like the guitars on "Do Me a Favour" but I don't think anyone would hear me. I thought a post might ease the feeling that's weighing me down today but to no avail, fuck it.
I guess I'll just plough through until sleep takes me, this will be the pattern for the foreseeable future.
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