Five years!

Bowie spun round and round. His voice pulsing through the room as the poison pulsed through my damaged, failing body. The beat kept me focused on nothing but the music. The rise and fall of Ziggy Stardust and of my chest. My lungs gasping for air through lips mouthing his words. Words I'd mouthed many times before. I was in love with the music my faithful mistress fucking for forty minutes. My heart raced but I was still, fighting the urge to bounce off the walls. My senses felt heightened like i was hyper-aware, even though it was dark all the furniture scattered around the room was in sharp focus, the sheets on my bed felt crisp to touch and the spiders from mars were crystal clear. I felt calmer when we got to Suffragette City and I was ready to commit Rock and Roll Suicide.

I was neither high nor low just still, wondering about the equilibrium and precarious a fulcrum it was balanced on.

My mind drifted to the back streets of Clerkenwell on a mild Sunday morning where I felt at peace. My back to St Paul's, I took in the architecture, the skyline created and then turned my head to study the flagstone and tarmac and everything else that made up the surface I pounded. The same as every other street in London but the cracked and broken flags and the yellow lines felt more real here like they'd been trodden upon by those more deserving of life. They left a permanent invisible mark which I'd accidentally stumbled across. It fascinated me no end. I would sit on the curb and breathe it all in trying to suck up the remnants of deserved lives maybe hoping I deserved to live too.

Taxi

The Taxi from the terminus takes me through town. Past cold, empty houses blocking the reluctant Sun. My journey was long and fraught with difficulty. The familiar smell in the cab is a relief. It was nearly over now while most were starting theirs. The Sun was getting braver now, I couldn't see through it's brightness. The cool air through the slit at the top of the window made my eyes water, It was like nature didn't want me to see. They didn't need much help though, I knew what was waiting for me at the end. Everything was in order. There were things I wanted to see but I knew I had the memories and didn't need to. There were people too, friends, family. Like pictures in an album I had in my heart. I'm here now, my breath still visible reminds me it's real. I wanted to be inside were it was warm and comfortable. I fumbled with the keys and eventually, I opened the door.