This Weekend

So it's a Bank Holiday weekend, yay for the extra day off although I did have to work on Saturday which was a pain seeing as I was still pissed from the night before.

Back to Friday. I went to the pictures with some guys from work to see Pirates of the Caribbean: The One with lots o' Jacks. It was really good but I found it quite long but that maybe down to the fact I hadn't been to the cinema in about a year and a half also because I live in the west end it's like a tenner to see a film and I'm normally brass. Anyway we left the picture house at about half ten and I was supposed to meet another friend to see a gig but I was way tired after a long week and said my goodbyes to everyone which was bizarre for reasons I won't go in to here (just yet). On my way home I popped in to the Crown & Anchor to see my sister and to pay my respects to a friend who died last week but I wasn't feeling like seeing people so I left and went home. At home I was feeling restless and I went out again to O'neills where I knew nobody would be there, just yet anyway, and started knocking back the pints at an alarming rate and decided to go back to the other pub but it was shut. It turned out they were in The White Hart because some of them are banned from O'neills (I'm not entirely sure how I figured out they would be at this pub). While there I met an old friend who was as pissed as I was and we chatted about the good old days and she said if my ex gives me any trouble she would sort her out and there are not many chaps like me who want to see their kids which made me smile and I started feeling less sorry for myself. We headed back to O'neills now The White Hart was closing but I still felt alone even though everyone was there and i was talking to them I even ask one of my friends I went to Cali with if he wanted to go to Brazil (which I completely mean to follow up on). Those of us still standing left at closing or about half an hour later being coaxed away from our drinks, I walked with a friend to there flat and talked to her about something I'd done but wasn't sure if it was OK to have done it (more on that later (probably)). So I made my way back home where fully intended to sleep for two days straight however work was but a few hours away.

Saturday, that was fun. I got to work just on time after an understandably sluggish start (sleep came and went every few minutes through the night/morning) I was hoping for a quiet day which mercifully it was, after some ibuprofen lots of water and fast food I started feeling a little better. It was then I realised I was supposed to be going out again tonight, I didn't want to look at another alcoholic beverage for at least a week. I'd asked some people to go with me so I couldn't let them down so I went home and changed for the gig Which was at The Old Blue Last to see The Noyze, The Genies The Sessions (who turned out to be DJing and not playing which was one of the main reasons for going), Horsebox and Mark Keds Like A Bitch. We got there just before 9 and the first band my friend from work was already there and my sister and her friend came with me. It was unusually quiet in there for some reason and I don't think my friends were enjoying it as much as I'd hoped because I love this place and I always have a good time when I come here. Anyway they all left early (last trains and all that) and I was on my own again. I went to sit down by the DJ booth and I must have fallen asleep what with being up s long, the Geezer from The Sessions tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I was OK, I was, and made my way to the bar and to see the last band of the night which I was looking forward to and glad I didn't sleep through. Mark Keds was fantastic, he felt like a Libertine and had that urch charm that people talk about. Cue me jumping around like a lunatic. After the set I went to H the promoter and told him I thought the night was fantastic and I wanted to see them again as well as the other bands who were also awesome. So I left. I got to Holborn it was about two or half past and I needed some cash and went to the cash machine where i was trying to explain to someone who had asked how to get to Fabric but it was complicated on foot and told em to get a taxi but they said they were poor. As I was walking to O'neills I thought "How can you go to Fabric If you are poor that place is expensive" but never mind I got to the pub and my sister was there with her friend chatting to a fella but I'd already had a skin full and didn't stay long. So home to bed.

Sunday, mostly slept but got up to go to the pub and watched the Hurling where Cork were playing Clare with my old man and we drank a few pints and I figured out I drank about 23 pints in a day and a half and went home again to eat and rest before we went to the pictures again this time to see Zodiac. I thought it was a good film but again it felt really long and would have been better at home on TV. We got back and I watched a couple of films until daybreak The first one was The girl from Rio i think, which had Hugh Laurie in it and the it was Psychomania with Beryl Reid about some bikers who kill themselves to come back invinsible and terrorie their town and then I saw HPatGoF.

Today I did sod all bar write this blog.

Blog the 1st (at work)

Hey I just figured out how to blog at work, damn rubbish restrictive internet we have here.

Anyway work is shit, I'm doing 08:30-19:00 today and I'm completely knackered. There's not enough staff as usual and I've forgotten how to spell. I think I have the dullest job in the history of employment, if it weren't busy I'd be tearing my hair out. It's no wonder I sit here daydreaming all the time I'm a bit worried for my sanity need. something. interesting.

I don't think I will go to the gig on Thursday, I'm a bit skint and I have the kids the next day anyway so I'll need to be fresh for them. Oh and it's Easter this weekend but I have to work on Saturday which will be fun, can you tell that was sarcasm, I still don't know if I'm expressing myself properly on here.

Sorry I'm rambling again, I do have things to say but they're not coming out coherently. I'm just very tired and I'd rather do this because it takes my mind off work.

all apologies

It's recently been brought to my attention that I completely suck at life, a social incompetent if you will. I just find it really difficult to convey what I want to say or to make myself heard over the din of everyone else getting on with it, I don't know what's important, I've no goals long term or otherwise, clearly not a good enough dad, (see below), I spend far too much time alone, I row with my family. I could go on but it all sounds... a bit familiar?

So I turned myself to face me

I don't know weather I am good or bad! I mean I feel bad when I see bad things and I feel good when I see good things but I do bad things too or avoid doing the right things, for example: A colleague was upset (there was a death in the family) I just froze up while someone else comforted her or the time my mother spilt a hot drink over herself, I froze up again while my sister dealt with it. Does it make me bad, not reacting in the right way? I used to step in when I was supposed to be the shoulder and all. What changed? I could probably guess but will I ever be reliable or 'good' again? More questions, no answers yet.

Me

I don't care about you but I care what you think.

I'm shallow, selfish and greedy.

If you talk to me my mind will drift.

I don't understand why you don't like what I like.

I'm a hypocrite.

I don't like the way I look.

I have double standards.

I'm shy.

I hate myself.

I'm Lazy.

I lie to myself.

I lie to you.

I'm an attention seeker.

I can't deal with more than two people at the same time.

An open letter to...

I am not an acrobat, I cannot perform these tricks for you!

Sooo

It's 5:30am I just got back from the pub after spending an inordinate amount of time with people I neither know nor care for (bar the exceptional ones(obviously)).

What started off innocuously enough turned into a blamefest with me being the one to blame, go me!

Here's the thing, I made a joke but it went straight over every one's head. It was offensive and rude, if you knew me you would know I wouldn't mean it.

Anyway I will not apologise for my actions because I am not sorry, I will, however say sorry to my sister who was offended by my actions not because they were wrong but because she is my sister. My apology is sincere, even though it may not seem that way. I will also apologise to Faye because she was offended.

If I had to do it all again I wouldn't change anything, I spent 9 years of my adult life compromising and you can fuck off if you think I'm doing that again! That is unless I meet a hot girl who thinks like me. (lol in case you thought I was serious)!

In the words of Maxïmo Park: Well that's enough, I've had it up to here.

Fuck you very much and good morning

Mickx

I'm insane

Soooo

I don't know why but I keep thinking about this dream (it was really really vivid like cold and harsh) I had.

I dreamt I murdered two people, twins, they were homeless late middle age, I didn't recognise their faces, we were in a shed ,it was totally bizarre. I used a pistol and shot the 1st in the head at point blank range and sprayed the 2nd with numerous bullets when I left them it was snowing outside I could feel the cold.

Later on I dreamt I was in a hotel room with a washed up rock singer looked a bit like Withnail he was throwing a strop and we fled the hotel travelling in a camper van through a small satellite type town to a dingy flat.

I woke up sweating and gasping for breath.

I don't normally remember my dreams so I thought I'd blog it