Coming Up ...update

somethings I'll be doing in the coming weeks

May 17: Bishi With Paloma Faith at The Lock Tavern

May 21: Kirsten's 2nd Birthday

May 25: Morten Valance with Captain Black , The ripps and Stylish Riots DJs at Barfly

May 26: Mulligan Presents Mark Keds LAB (Like A Bitch), Ex Senseless Things and JOLT, The Sessions, The Genies, The Noyze Djs: Albanak Djs at The Old Blue Last

June 2: Of Montreal With Fields, Lupen Crook and The Strange Death Of Liberal England at Scala

June 6: The Fay Wrays at Turnmills

June 7: Connor's 5th Birthday

June 8: Hadouken! With Late of the Pier at Koko

June 10: The Fay Wrays at The Constitution

June 13: The Fay Wrays at The Luminaire

July 14: London's largest water fight at Hyde Park

July 25: Cibelle With Tunng, Infantjoy, Robert Logan and Sonver at The Luminaire

August 20: Circle Line Pub Crawl at Various pubs on the Circle Line

I've just realised...I've got nothing to say

I got food poisoning last night, I felt fucked. But here I am at work, an hour and a half early I might add. I'm really not looking forward to working today.

I had the kids on Saturday they were reasonably well behaved which makes the day a whole lot easier. We went to the park for a while and Connor's nose bled when he banged his nose on the floor and Cole was quite content going up the slide the wrong way. They still fight with eachother a lot but I suppose I an expect that until they're adults and even then I'd imagine they would still fight. On the way back to their mothers Cole fell asleep and I gave Connor my iPod to listen to the Beatles (1962-1966 Red) and he was really enjoying it. I felt quite relaxed, usually I feel stressed by their behaviour but today was OK. When I don't have them I miss them but I can't help thinking they don't really need me anymore, like we're going through the motions. Sometimes I just feel like a babysitter.

I got a new iPod the other day my old one just died. I can't believe I went so long without one. It's great because now I can ignore people on the bus. Oh, and I just figured out how to scrobble iPod plays which is great because I like stats (I'm a bit sad can you tell).

I don't plan on going to any gigs in the near future so probably no late night tales of being drunk or lost or both. But I'll probably just decide to go out 5 minutes before I find out about a gig, I can be impulsive like that so you never know. They say the unplanned nights are the best. Although I would be quite content to stay at home and listen to music all day and have no contact with the outside world I can be reclusive like that.

Anyway I haven't eaten in a day and I can't tell if I'm hungry or not and a dismal day of mind crushing boredom awaits (go work).

Edit: I just realised this is the 50th blog I've published, I feel quite proud. I don't know if I can get to 60 let alone 100 but enjoy this and plan to continue but I still have problems getting the words out.

Blog the 1st (at work)

Hey I just figured out how to blog at work, damn rubbish restrictive internet we have here.

Anyway work is shit, I'm doing 08:30-19:00 today and I'm completely knackered. There's not enough staff as usual and I've forgotten how to spell. I think I have the dullest job in the history of employment, if it weren't busy I'd be tearing my hair out. It's no wonder I sit here daydreaming all the time I'm a bit worried for my sanity need. something. interesting.

I don't think I will go to the gig on Thursday, I'm a bit skint and I have the kids the next day anyway so I'll need to be fresh for them. Oh and it's Easter this weekend but I have to work on Saturday which will be fun, can you tell that was sarcasm, I still don't know if I'm expressing myself properly on here.

Sorry I'm rambling again, I do have things to say but they're not coming out coherently. I'm just very tired and I'd rather do this because it takes my mind off work.

Fathers and sons

I had the kids on Friday. It was Cole's 3rd birthday a few days earlier so we were going to have a some treats and loads of fun but Connor was playing up, something he's been doing a lot lately. I don't know if he gets it from home or school, I don't really get enough time with them to have much of an impact on their lives. When I was taking them home Connor told me he had a real Dad (to say it was a bit of a blow would be a massive understatement) and he was saying he wants to hit me and scratch me then he ran to the other end of the bus because he didn't want to sit with me. I may be being paranoid when I say this but sometimes it sounds as if they're being coached by the way they say certain things.

It feels like they don't really need me anymore and I can't imagine it will be long before they say to their mother that they don't want to come down anymore. I'd love to see them more but it feels like it's too late, I won't give up and I'll do everything I can but it's not my choice at the end of the day. I don't know what I would do without my boys it doesn't really bear thinking about.

Time and sleight of hand

I love going to the coast. From the journey on the train and the walk from the station to the beach it was all good. More recently I get the nostalgic feeling as well. Leaning over the railing watching the hypnotic waves crashing insistingly in to the foundations of the pier. English summers when I knew it would rain at least once before the end of the day. The dark arcades on the promenade where I would spend dads money playing games I wasn't any good at. Rubbish mini golf where I would beg my dad to play both courses and he would let me win each time and I would feel bed for beating him. The Knickerbocker Glory I could never finish but would insist on ordering every time. The not wanting to leave even though I could hardly keep my eyes open. Even the sunburn I would invariably get and yes even when it rained.

Those days I wish would never end but all too soon they're gone. I miss them deeply like the seaside was a friend, someone to rely on who would always be there.

They're not gone I just experience them in a different way. I'll be letting my boys win at mini golf and get sick from too much ice cream and while I carry them to the station and watch them sleep with the rolling of the train I'll remember those worry free days of youth and innocence while we journey back to that grey old city.

:sigh:

A Day In The Life

The news is saying there's been a spate of stabbings, shootings, violence whatever! It's not a spate, it just doesn't get reported all the time that's all. Every so often an incident occurs that is nationally news worthy (Damilola Taylor who was 10 and more recently Kiyan Prince, 15) and afterwards every single case the papers can get their hands on is in the news. What I don't understand is why things are reported in the way they are, I think it's because of a political agenda you know like get rid of the Prime Minister he is not doing a good job or whatever. Violence and youth is nothing new but it is getting worse, when I was a kid we used our fists but I digress, I don't know what should be done about it really or where the fault lies (parents, society, gangsta rap videos, genetic defect???) isn't it our nature to be good? I suppose if I was 'in charge' I would like to see more facilities for kids like sports or music clubs and not just funded by charities with woeful equipment. It will never disappear completely but surely doing something like this would help reduce the number of incidents.

The reason I write is because I have two kids who are going to be growing up with these things happening around them and I hope I never have to be a parent who loses their son to mindless violence I can't begin to imagine what it feels like to lose someone in this manner. Being a parent really changes your perspective on things.

The good old days

My eldest really loves The Libertines Up The Bracket & I Get Along EP. It makes me so happy that he loves them but i can't help thinking will he rebel and start listening to something I don't like when he's older. But who am I to force him to like what I like??? My kids arefree to go threw my collection whenever they are here and I hope the love affair with the libertines lasts. When I played them my Babyshambles and Dirty Pretty Things 7"s They both prefered Pete's outfit, I'm not sure what that means though!!! I also noticed he enjoyed Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance and All Along the Watchtower by The Jimi Hendrix Experience.

The kids are alright

I had the kids over yesterday. Sometimes they are very good but a lot of the time they are naughty. It's difficult to get a good relationship going with them because I only see them every other saturday. When they leave their mother they moan about not wanting to leave but when I bring them back the don't want to leave me. They're at an age onw where they can remember and say things their parents say and she has been saying some nasty stuff about me and they say it too and it hurts a lot, I would never dream of badmouthing her to, or in front of the kids because it will make them think about these things. I love my kids so much and I can't bear them saying things like this or feeling like that, it's just horrible. Sorry for the rambling incoherence of this blog but there is so much more to say and I can't figure out how to put it down. This feels like a bit of therapy getting it on here.