Went out to see a band called Grovesnor last night at the Old Blue Last, they were rather good, soulful electro type stuff that makes you wanna move your feet my favourite tracks were Nightmoves and Drive Your Car.
It was quite crowded in there and I wasn't drinking so felt a lil awkward at first but got more in to it as the night wore on.
I was feeling quite happy but in contradiction to that I was also overcome with a huge wave of sadness and despair and I felt so lost. If I was on my own I would've left and not witnessed really cool music but I was with someone and was glad I stayed, it was worth it. I need to be feeling more happy than sad and going to gigs like this is part of that but I really had to fight the tears from coming and I couldn't breath it hurt so much.but I had support so I was OK.
I've been bouncing between happy and sad quite frequently recently and like I've said before it's driving me up the wall. I've had a lot to smile about over the last few weeks but also lots to feel down about and I'm really trying hard not to let the sad things get to me. I feel like I'm trapped in a whirlwind and can't get a fixed grip on solid ground.
Sometimes I feel a little melodramatic and hammy (you know. the old "woe is me" nonsense) because it does sound silly a lot of the time and people do get pissed off with it, I don't mean to portray myself that way I'm just not that great at getting the message across. I notice myself doing it and it's quite frustrating.
All I want is for people to understand who I am and how I'm feeling and to not judge me for it, but people think I'm after sympathy and pity, I'm not but I'm also not looking for harsh "that's life responses" I've been tolfd by more than one person "why don't you just end it then" which I thought was a bit OTT, especially as one was a close relative that kind of cut a little bit.
gotta go that whirlwind is gonna yoink me away in a minute/
No comments:
Post a Comment