ohsolow

I'm sitting up listening to Portishead feeling really sad and close to tears. I can't get away from it, no matter how fast I run or how well I hide which means I should face it but what am I facing. I can't really see anything just feel a vague sensation of something not being right and I can't fight that. Sometimes I forget myself and feel quite good but I can't tell if it's real.

Apparently I'm losing a lot of weight which I've been complimented on and I've still not had a drink in 46 days and I suppose I should be proud but I don't like pride. I've also cut out fizzy drinks which I never thought I'd be able to do (I was like totally addicted to diet coke) but I've only been doing that just over a week.

I miss Southend

I miss walking through Dalston listening to the Libertines

I miss Paddington Station at 9pm

I miss Camden Town in the summer

I miss the Old Blue Last in the winter

I miss the Fay Wrays

I miss that late night, tear filled, explosion of emotion no matter how unsettling

I miss it all so much

those people and places and experiences made me feel real as well as loved, needed, cared for and wanted