I feel awful. Do you know when you have a fake smile on all day and your mouth hurts at the end well that's how my body and mind feel right now after putting on the fakery to get me through work with out tearing someones head off or my own.
Everyone has gone home now so I can relax but something's got my back up and I can't quite put my finger on it.
I had a great long chat with my best friend the other day and there were tears and truths and hugs but not much hope. I'm in a bad place (this is a blog about me so I won't go in to their issues, in case it looks a bit selfish I do actually care for them a great deal more than i do anything else) and even with the reassuring words of my true friends I can't claw my way out I'm wondering whether or not I can be saved or even if I deserve to be.
I can't get to grips with simple concepts like good and bad or right and wrong or faith recently damned philosophy. So I can't put myself in to a category if I refuse to believe in them. I know I'm not making myself clear but I need to write.
I've noticed I haven't cried much recently bar the above. I don't know how to feel about that, I've wanted to but nothing maybe I've used up my quota who knows.
I'm reaching out I suppose but for what I have no idea.
As usual there is more but alas they are probably lost to the mists of time and memory.
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