Today I feel lost.
I've come in to work to do overtime and am currently an hour early sitting here listening to Beethoven's 9th wondering what the rest of the day will bring. I'm thinking too much it won't stop, it's like my mind has a mind of its own. I seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time on auto-pilot, going through the motions for whose benefit, not mine. Look at me I'm a shell protecting what's inside or maybe just hiding it from those who could help. I wear my heart on my sleeve but hardly anyone is let in. I think I'm reasonably candid about myself but there is so much most of you don't know, I'm getting too good at keeping it all in, I can divert or digress and throw you off course if I want to. Some people like to play games so I play along giving an image they want to see and let them think they are right about me. Some people think I'm an idiot and I let them but only I know I'm a fool.
When the people I love and trust want to help me I'm a trifle stifled (to understate in a slightly humorous way), I just can't get the words out. I will see such a person today and I know I won't say anything to her, I will make jokes and be a real boy to hide my plastic heart.
Have to go the rest of the world is coming.
Season 30 coming August 20 watch out for teasers
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