That was the week that was

Not been around much lately. Went to Wembley to see Foo Fighters with a couple of chaps from work and it was awesome! The awesomest part was when half of Led Zep came out for the encore, I've never been shocked like that in, well, forever really. Been a bit sick as well spent a large amount of time horizontal. Coming home from the gig someone shouted at me out of a car, (cunt, wanker faggot something along those lines, I had my earphones in but not on) It made me feel really woozy and off balance. I walked on wondering about the that night in Highgate and why people do those things. I found it quite upsetting. I'm 29 and over six foot it shouldn't have shaken me but it did.

My friend invited me out the other day and normally I'd decline but this time I went for it and I'm glad I did, I made a few new friends about whom I'll tell you more later.

I've also had a really cool and dangerous blog idea, again more later.

And if perchance

(for Matt)

 

And if perchance you're there, I'll smile and say:

Giggity giggity giggity goo.

I'm sooooooo tired

Only had about 4 hours sleep after a heavy night on the drink. 'twas worth it though because I made a new friend (go go gadget confidence) not really,she came to me cause I was being quiet and we chatted for ages. I hope I see her again soon.

 

I'm at work, on me break right now thinking of dadum dadum dadum dadum dadum and what to replace them with.

Less is NOT more

t'internet is down at home at the mo so all I can do is email to blogger at work. It's the only thing I can do there so, I'm Facebookless, Last.fmless myspaceless and lots of other sitesless

 

I'm tearing my hair out going cold turkey on the social networking, I need to go see my sis so I can use hers.

Optimistic, moi?

I've actually been able to take my mind off things at work today. It was busy and there were no bosses to harass and harangue us. I had a good chat with a friend and feel much better for it.

 

Now if I can just shake that shadow, things might just be looking up.

Abyssal, moi?

Last night I couldn't feel anything, I was empty.I know there was pain though, I just couldn't grasp it. I! I! I! I! There was something I couldn't quite remember although nothing could be so important for me to be necessary.

 

I still can't accept I'm needed.

 

I need, but what?

O for the weekend

I'm at work and fucked off with it. Only 2 more hours to go then 2 more days of the same. Ideas that normally flow through my mind are stunted here, inspiration has left the building. I'll be too tired to do anything when I get home aswell.

 

Too Much

Too soon?

I feel so...

...impotent right now!

 

I'm stuck here when I need to be with a friend. I wish I could just jack it all in and go to them and forget the world.

 

I will, one day.

Please

Stop keeping count because one is too many

...

I think I'm reasonably intellegent.

So, I'm at work and you're palming me off and I'll accept it.

Here is what goes on in my head while the above happens:

Do you really believe I don't get what you are doing to me, I think it's rather cheeky to be honest with you. I'ma accept it though because it's clearly not worth it if you think I'm a fool. I wonder why you can't just be straight weith me.

This may or may not be the case but like I said before I'm reasonably intellegent, I can read people, not well, but when it's obvious. My problem is this, Do I continue wanting to be with these people or do I cut them out and just be civil at work.

I don't trust myself to be right and therefore these people get the benefit of the doubt to let me down over and over again.

I was told I have a certain arrogance (more than once, twice infact so until someone else says it I'm treating it as a line as opposed to a patern and hence possibly true) which got me thinking what is it I do that would make people think that. Sometimes I think someone isn't particularly bright at certain things and I'll take for granted this means they are not clever at anything. Sometimes I won't talk to you or ignore you if we've just met, this can last for months but it really is only my shyness. Sometimes I'll be in a room of friends and I'll just leave after not joining in the conversastion and I wonder should I make an effort to talk about something I'm not interested in or understand, again I do find it hard to enter in to a conversation and feel what I have to say is not worth saying and it is hard to work up the courage to do so.

I suppose this is all part of the whole "letting things be" thing.

ah the mysteries.

The Dogs

prologue (16 hours)

Drury Lane.
Not the best place to begin
a Bukowski inspired piece.
anyway
My arms, aching from carrying the booze
hung limply by my sides when you appeared.
I thought nothing
just took a beer from the box
and recovered from the stair climb.

The night wore on
friends came and went,
we became friends and went
on until the morning.

I was intimidated
even though you quoted Keats
and treated me like
you knew me forever

It was time to go
and you were busy
singing the song of sleep
and I made do with memories.

-

The track, after a sweaty tube ride
I rode with your lover, my hero.

It felt good to be back
in the fold of friends
old and new.
I was tired though
and all I could manage was
to exchange coy smiles.

I got a beer and struggled with the form
It had been a while after all.

There were couples and I felt nothing
It's not what I'm after, after all
betting slips gathered around my feet
where I sat
on the floor of the grandstand

After you'd gone, I wondered
about your intellect
and my own naivety.

-

Epilogue (the real prologue)

I'm looking forwards to adventures
with new friends
who may even stick around this time

I'll take another beer
and make a toast:
3 syllables for 3 syllables and
cementing future friendships.

What is wrong with me?

really, if you know drop us a line.