So I've been reasonably happy for the last few days and it feels, well, odd frankly. To be honest other people have far more problems than I do and I know I should concentrate on myself before everyone else but I can feel the depression looming just in the corners of my mind. It would be so easy to let it flood over me and just go under and be somewhere more familiar. So, what to do? I don't feel I deserve happiness and therefore I am on a collision course with my old world and I'm happy enough being kamikaze. Treading the water and just to sink into the murky waters of depression feels like the right thing to do no matter how unhealthy. Dying would be to easy for me and would leave far to much problems for those I leave behind. I need to suffer this alone. I need to take it all in, let it consume me until I'm barely recognisable as human. I still don't understand what it is to be human. To be good or bad, happy or down, right or wrong. I want to let go and leave it to someone else to pick up the pieces but I need to do it alone no one can solve me. Save me. I am my own salvation but am too ridiculous to help myself. Soory about the long rant but it's better off my chest, I think.
Hmmm!!!
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